At age 18, and again at 19, I had an abortion because I was prideful, and thought having a BABY would mess up my life … not knowing then, having an ABORTION would profoundly impact the rest of my life.

During the first abortion procedure, I experienced a single tear roll down my cheek. The abortionist told me “It’s ok, you’re almost all back to normal now”. During the 2nd abortion, I will never forget the tugging and pulling sensation. It was painful as I was over 3 1/2 months pregnant. I felt my baby move for the first time the day before that procedure.

Immediately after the first abortion February 19th, 1994, I felt relief that I had gotten rid of “it”. But that led me to mask the grief with alcohol and compromising behaviors, which ultimately led to conceiving my second child, and led to my second abortion just one year later February 8th, 1995.

As time went on, I experienced fear of being “found out” because I kept both abortions secret for over 13 years. I was a prisoner, suffering this deep soul pain in silence and alone. I was fearful I would not be forgiven by God or that I wasn’t worthy to be trusted with another child once I was married. For several years after the abortions, I used alcohol and anger to mask the emotional pain.

I found forgiveness, healing and freedom through the Lord; attending a healing group called Rich In Mercy; and by helping create a project called Mercy Great Enough. I’m finally free! I’ve established a life connection instead of a death connection, with my two children I never held in my arms, but will one day see in heaven.

And that’s why, I am Silent No More!