Blessings to all in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I’m here to speak as a woman who had an abortion from my heart. I speak for every woman, for every child.

On that fateful day in 1976, I didn’t do what was right in the eyes of God. I acted out of fear. I humble myself here before God and man and admit that I acted out of fear of the wrath of the one who forced me to abort. I acted to please a person, a culture with their new law, not God. I didn’t have the faith that God had gifted me to say thank you for his marvelous gift, the child I now call Matthew. The child I killed.

I talk to Matthew from time to time, most often when I go to mass. I say hello to him and a baby I lost to a miscarriage within a year after my abortion. I miss them both with all my heart. Would I have lost that child, Angelita, if I hadn’t had an abortion? I will never know. 

I ask Matthew if he forgives me. I wonder if he, like God, knows my heart and how much I regret that day. How much I wish I had remained celibate until after marriage to not be in the position to be forced to abort. I wonder if he knows how afraid I was of being thrown out of my childhood home onto the streets, how much I wanted to finish my schooling. I admit, I had dreams. There was no place for a pregnant teen to go back then. No Pregnancy Care Centers. No homes for unwed mothers. Does he understand? I may never know.

Matthew, were you a boy? I call you Matthew, but you may have been a girl. Odd name for a girl. (Smile) I just wanted to hold you and love you.  Are you male? I may never know.

If you had been born, you would now be an adult. Would you be a parent? Would I have been blessed with more grandchildren? I will never know. 

Matthew, I left the church many years. I felt unworthy and believed I didn’t deserve forgiveness. Yet now I know God has forgiven me and that he loves me abundantly. I went to the Richland County Pregnancy Center in Ohio to a class for abortion healing. That worked for me. Perhaps others could be healed in the same way. I hope they go to their local center. I ask those who have lost a child to seek help if needed. Healing and forgiveness are available.  

For those of you who may be considering an abortion know that there are many ways it can affect you. Abortion isn’t a quick fix. It can be a lifetime of not knowing your child and who they would have been if allowed to live. It is a lifetime of regrets, a life sentence of being a parent who killed their own child.  

I’ve forgiven all who had a part in my abortion, even those who fought for the law Roe V Wade; the law that allowed me to be forced to abort. I ask God to forgive them, as they know not what they do.

Now, being healed, I speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, the Matthews. There are many things I will never know. But one thing I do know is I will be silent no more.