Abortion leaves a deep wound that you are never told about and the consequences last a lifetime. In 1992 I aborted twins. I did not realize that at the time. I never saw an ultrasound. The baby’s father did not want children and I felt pressured to abort in order to make him happy. I was convinced that if I had the abortion life could go back to normal. It was only a clump of cells or a blob of tissue, right. I made the appointment with Planned Parenthood. I will never forget the sucking sound of the vacuum machine. The only time the abortionist talked to me, was during the procedure he asked me “if I was a twin?” I told him that I was. I was perplexed by his question, because I thought it was a clump of cells. When he was finished they took me to a room with reclining chairs in a circle. The room was dirty and no one spoke. Some girls were crying. I felt relieved and just wanted to go home and forget that this ever happened. 

My relief was short-lived as soon as I got home, regret set in. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I hated myself and so desperately wished that I could undo it. I went into my room and fell on my bed. Wishing that I would go to sleep and not wake up. That night Satan came to me in a vision. He was laughing and taunting me. Telling me what a horrible person I was. A liar, and a murderer of my own children. Children that I actually had always wanted. He said that God will never forgive me, and that He will punish me and everyone else will despise me. I had better keep my abortion a secret. He laughed at how I will spend eternity with him. I have never felt such anguish and defeat before, complete and utter despair. I knew that he was right. What a wretched person I was! I started drinking, became secretive and avoided people. I was a shell of the person that I used to be. I felt like a walking zombie. 

 

Abortion is spiritual warfare. John 10:10 tells us that Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy everything that God created to be beautiful. By convincing you to take the life of your baby, Satan binds you in chains, and shackles and torments you with regret, shame, and guilt. He steals your voice by making you fear judgment of others, so you keep your abortion a secret.      

 

I’m so thankful for the forgiveness that Jesus’ death on the cross paid for us to have. All of my sins are covered by His blood. I’ve repented and accepted His forgiveness. God’s Mercy and Grace has unlocked my chains and shackles. I’m Forgiven and Set Free! My identity is no longer my sin of abortion but it is Who God says I am. His Daughter.

My children Conrad and Constance get dignity by me sharing about their short lives. I lead abortion healing and have talked with hundreds of women hurt by abortion. The She Found His Grace abortion healing ministry helps men and women find their healed voice to speak about the TRUTH of what abortion is. It’s not empowering, just because it’s legal doesn’t make it safe. Abortion leaves us devastated, barely functioning, longing for the baby that we don’t have. 

Women that have taken the abortion pill have a new level of self-inflicted trauma. They have now become the abortionist and their bathroom is the abortion clinic. They naively believe that it will be a simple procedure. Reality is it’s far worse than they could’ve imagined. There’s Hope and Healing. Jesus loves them so much and He wasn’t surprised by their abortion. He wants them to come home. What Satan meant for harm God can turn into good. That is why I can be Silent No More.