Abortion just became "legal" when I was graduating from high school. I was getting ready to go to college. My first sweetheart and I were counseled by friends that they knew where to go to take care of our "problem" and make it go away. It would be like it never happened - "the pregnancy." They said, "We didn't have to have this getting in our way as our life was just starting." I went to college and barely attended class. I was involved in alcohol, drugs, promiscuous behavior and a new boyfriend. I dropped out of college and went back to my first boyfriend.
We got pregnant, again, and married soon after the baby was born. Three years later we were a family of four. The alcohol and drugs continued. Then my husband told me he was having an affair; the baby was only six months and I found out I was pregnant again. Scared, afraid and feeling abandoned I made a quick decision to abort, hoping this quick fix would solve my problems.
I don't remember much of the procedures. Only the effects afterwards-- guilty and ashamed of myself. I couldn't look at babies, the guilt was always on my mind. I went through a period of confusion and numbness. I buried the pain.
Feeling alone, I went back with my husband and we had another child, thinking that this child would fill my empty void. After two years together our marriage fell apart. The extensive after affects of abortion expand deep and wide. Buried pain, family disconnect, difficulty bonding with my children, addictions, self-abuse, no regard for my children’s feelings, etc quickly led me into an abusive relationship and marriage.
The years that followed my good and loving Lord kept calling me back, nudging me into his loving arms of forgiveness. I began to unbury the pain and by His grace Rachel's Vineyard (RV) came to my Diocese. I was able to attend their first weekend retreat! I was able to forgive those around me and especially myself. Through His mercy, I was set free to bury all that ugliness and spring forth with new life. What I unburied at that retreat were replanted as fresh seeds, without the shame or guilt and as a result they continue to grow and blossom into some beautiful creations!
Because of this I am Silent No More.
To watch the YouTube video of Nancy telling her story at the 2010 March for Life, click here.