Hello, my name is Linda Raymond. I'm from St Louis, Missouri. My story is one of great sin, sorrow and emotional turmoil.
My trauma began in late 1975 when, after seven months of dating, I found myself facing an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend. Total shock does not begin to describe my feelings when the test came back positive. Just one, unprotected act of intercourse and I became pregnant. How could I face my parents? I was terrified.
The counselors at Planned Parenthood told me that it was just a "blob of tissue" and they would take care of it. They told me that the doctors would solve my problem and I could get back to my classes and my life would be back to normal.
My "procedure" was scheduled for the following Saturday and by Monday I would be back on campus. A few days later, my mother confronted me about my morning nausea and the truth came out. I told her I had been to the clinic for the pregnancy test and my next appointment was on Saturday. She quickly agreed to the abortion and said she didn't want me to embarrass her in front of family and friends. Eighteen years old was just too young to raise a child. She told me there was no way she would help me to keep the baby. All four of our parents met at a restaurant the next evening to discuss the decision. They talked about us as if we weren't there.
I felt truly invisible.
I will never forget the sound of the vacuum suctioning my son from my womb on that frosty January morning. The overwhelming pain and vomiting went on for days. The nurses in the clinic all told me that was normal and things would be fine very soon. I cried in the darkness of my room alone wondering if I had killed a son or daughter.
Many years of therapy, anti-depressants, suicide attempts and anguish followed. At times, I hated myself so much I didn't want to go on. I was angry and didn't know why. Later, after years of marriage to Chuck, I felt undeserving when God blessed me with two healthy babies. Every year, on January 10, I would feel a completely devastating cloud of gloom, remembering what I had done.
We have attempted to put our pain behind us by going to a wonderful healing program called Project Rachel while our children were in their pre-teen years. "Life" got in the way of our completion of the steps. Then, several years ago, while watching the March For Life in Washington, D.C., Chuck and I saw the "ticker" running across the bottom of the television screen about a retreat weekend designed to aid in the healing of those who are post-abortive, for both men and women. It was called Rachel’s Vineyard.
We immediately called and scheduled ourselves for this wonderful three days of forgiveness and grace. The six-hour drive to Cincinnati was one of great anticipation. I will tell you that this was the most profound experience we have had to help us in dealing with our abortion. The counselors, who were all post-abortive, and very compassionate priests and lay persons could not have been more loving and supportive. I learned that God has already forgiven me.
My "high" for the weekend came when I was able to finally FORGIVE MYSELF!! What a weight off my shoulders!! Jesus had spoken to our hearts in a way that He had never done before.
The most important thing about abortion that I want you to take away from here today is that abortion is wrong for women and men. Women deserve better. I don’t want one more mother and father to experience the agony of abortion. That is why I am Silent no More! Thank you for listening and may God bless you.
Chuck and I are living forgiven by my Savior, loved by my family and friends, forever in service to honor the memory of my son, Ryan Paul.