I was in my early 20's. I had been vomiting uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity, and I was rapidly becoming dehydrated. I went to the Emergency Room, where I immediately told them I might be pregnant even though I was consistent about taking my birth control pills. I was admitted to the hospital where x-rays were taken and a tube inserted through my nose to my stomach, hooked up to a pump machine to prevent any further vomiting.
Come morning, I was met by an angry doctor who sat down, filed through my chart and pointed to the RED-INKED circle around "POSITIVE FOR PREGNANCY." The doctor strongly suggested ABORTION due to the x-rays taken and medications they had given me the night before.
I rode for three hours, registered at the clinic in Iowa City, and sat by a wild-eyed redhead who tried to reassure me by saying "the procedure was simple and quick." It was her sixth abortion.
The nurse called me into the procedure room and told me to get on the bed. Just as I got myself situated, the nurses spread my legs and instantly there was this horrible sucking sound. I began to fight, screaming " STOP- STOP!!!" One of the nurses told me, " Oh its nothing-we'll be done shortly."
The next thing I knew, I was 10 miles down the interstate, vomiting from the soul of my being, moaning about how wrong it all was, there on the roadside. I slept the rest of the way home and awoke to a cold beer and drugs before I went to pool league. For years I desperately tried to drown my guilt and sorrow in booze and drugs, but nothing could fill the hollowness I continued to feel inside.
I'm here to share how my choice to have an ABORTION has affected my life each and every day for over 25 years. I suffered three miscarriages before I was finally blessed with my son Jesse, who is 23 years old.
I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was ALWAYS something missing in my life. I was a control freak, drunken drug addict; an angry bitter woman plagued with constant self-destructive thoughts, who couldn't look herself in the mirror. I long ago forgot to hold my head up high. I told myself that I was selfish, condemned to hell, and unlovable to anyone, especially myself! My idea of a relationship was a one night stand, or being with the guy who had the most drugs at the time. I went to different doctors for different prescriptions month after month, year after year. I always had a massive supply of uppers, downers, and in-betweeners to try to self medicate the pain and emptiness inside. I was always in a hurry, rush- rush- rush, chasing that which I didn't understand and couldn't define!!
I praise GOD for introducing me to the SILENT NO MORE AWARENESS CAMPAIGN, and Rachel's Vineyard Abortion Recovery Retreats together, to touch me and healed places I never knew were broken.
My babies have a name; I will never be the same.
Life is not a game, not even for a minute.
JESUS is my lifeline and I'll NEVER forget it.