I had an abortion when I was 19 years old, I can wrap that in terms that many in our society would deem acceptable, such as, “It was my body my choice, “It was only a clump of cells, “You can have procedure and move on with your life,” or the multitude of lies that are told to women at their most vulnerable time. I wanted to believe the lies I was told the day I entered the clinic, so I closed my mind and heart and did the unthinkable, because I did not know there was help available.
I should have known better when the first thing the clinic wanted was their money, cash only as they explained to me. They did not want anyone to be able to identify me, and it was for my own protection. I was given a pregnancy test to confirm that I was pregnant, but no one offered me any alternatives or choices to the one I was making that day. I was a frightened 19-year-old girl with no support and no idea that there were agencies and people who would and could help me if I chose to keep my baby. I went through with the procedure, and the day I walked out of that clinic I knew a part of me had died as well. I was forever changed.
I was told I would be ok, I was told I was making the right decision, I was told that my baby was only a clump of cells and not a baby yet, and most of all, I was told I could go on and live my life because I had gotten rid of the problem. All the big lies the workers at that Planned Parenthood Clinic told me, all the big lies I wanted to believe was the truth but was not, all the big lies came crashing down immediately after that day. I soon dropped out of college where I was majoring in Early Childhood Education. I began drinking, doing drugs, losing jobs, and getting in and out of bad and abusive relationships. I convinced myself that I would never be good mother, that I did not like babies, so I chose to have my tubes tied. I did not know for many years all the terrible choices I was making in my life were due to what I had done so many years ago in that abortion clinic.
Then I found God, healing, and a Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free, which truly did set me free. For the first time in over thirty years my heart has been opened, and I am no longer suffering the shame, guilt, and pain I have endured for so long. God has a mission for me now, to help other women find healing and forgiveness, to let them know there is a path out of the darkness, to be a voice for the voiceless, and to be the voice of truth in a world full of lies about the harm the abortion industry does to women.