I am writing this to tell you how abortion has had a devastating effect on my life.  I found out I was pregnant when I was nineteen.  My boyfriend was twenty-one, and he had led me to believe that he loved me and that we would be married.  However, he quickly changed his mind and pressured me to have an abortion.  He even made veiled threats that perhaps he was not the only man I had been with….which, of course, was not true.  I received no help or alternatives from the few friends I told, and at that time (1971) there were no agencies which provided alternatives to abortion that were well-publicized.  When I realized that I was trapped, I completely shut down and became a machine, doing what everyone said I should do to “eliminate the problem.”  What they don’t tell you is that what you eliminate is a life, and that you only add a seemingly insurmountable number of other lifelong problems. 

Since abortion was not legal in Texas, my boyfriend arranged for me to fly with him to a hospital in New Mexico, where it was legal.  My parents did not know and never found out.  (Even our family doctor had told me he could recommend a clinic in New York.  He was not helpful either.)  I remember not feeling anything at all during the entire ordeal…only a depressing numbness.  I knew that I was about to do something very, very wrong, and yet I didn’t feel there was any way out.  During the examination the day before with the doctor, I was made to feel very stupid.  The doctor was cold and impatient and had no sympathy for me whatsoever.  He said it was only “a blob of tissue at this stage.”  He did not tell me about other options, about the after-effects of abortion, or about risks to my health or life.  Before I left, completely reduced to tears, he wrote out a prescription for birth control pills. 

The next day at the hospital, I felt like I was part of a cattle call, walking down long corridors, filling out forms, sitting in waiting rooms, and trying not to look at the other girls.  Everyone kept their heads and eyes down.  Although I had been told that I wouldn’t feel much pain (only some pressure), it was extremely painful, and I will never in my life forget the loud horrifying sound of the suction machine taking the life out of my body.  I cried desperately in sorrow and pain, and the nurse held my hand, but said nothing.  For some perverse reason, the doctor told me that it was a boy...as if I had just delivered a baby!  I cannot explain the great sense of loss I felt after I was sent to a room to dress and watch for bleeding.  I didn’t wait, but walked down the long corridors and sat outside on the curb of the hospital waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up.  I didn’t care that people were staring at me as I cried in desperation.  I had to return to my parents’ house and pretend that I had just come back from a weekend at the coast.  I learned quickly to hide my feelings and put on a good front, but I was always very miserable and lonely inside.  The sense of intense loneliness remained with me for many years.  When I heard that Roe vs.Wade had legalized abortion nationwide in 1973, I felt sick to my stomach and completely hopeless.

It has been many years, and through much counseling, a number of spiritual retreats and a loving husband, I have been able to face my sin and accept God’s mercy and forgiveness.  I have completely turned my life over to Him.  I know now that women and girls are lied to and mistreated when they have an abortion.  The abortion has negatively affected my marriage, my self-worth, my emotional and physical health, my children and most of all….the life of my first-born son, whose name is Joseph.  And for his sake, and the sake of others like myself who have been scarred by the abortion business, I will be silent no more.
For those of you who understand, I wish you peace!