I was just 18 and barely out of high school. I was captivated by a young boy whom I thought I was in love with and whom I thought loved me. We were sexually involved, although he was not the first one.
I just knew he was the one for me, which made it fine in my mind and my eyes. I became really ill, but did not realize I was pregnant. I confided in my brother and his wife and both agreed that I was pregnant. I was very emotional at that point because I knew my parents would be angry and disappointed in me. I lay in my bed sobbing and wondering how I would explain myself. My mom came in and was crying and yelling at me, "How could you do this to us?"
They were ashamed of me.
At that point my mom called my boyfriend’s parents and asked them to come over so we could discuss what would be next. My boyfriend remarked, "How do I know it’s my child? It could be your friend, the security guard’s." Both he and his parents left. He had no intentions of marrying me and now I was pregnant.
I had two choices: an abortion or I would be sent off to a home for unwed mothers. There, I would not be seen, so as not to embarrass my parents. What would their friends say?
My friend Carl wanted to marry me and have the baby, but my mom said, "What kind of life would that be? That is not fair to you."
I took the route of an abortion even though I did not want to. My mom made all the arrangements and agreed to take all the responsibility including answering to God. The next day we were off to the doctor and I remember lying on the table and my stomach was going through cramps as life was being sucked from my womb. I felt so numb. I could not even talk. I just remember hearing the words from my Mom and my doctor, "It’s over and we don’t have to worry, no one will ever know."
Well, it was not over. I had a second abortion two years later. You see I was looking for love in all of the wrong places. I did not even know what love was except for it being a four-letter word.
One day I awoke and believed everything that had happened was just a dream and made the choice to bury all the emotions. I never went back there again, and acted as if it never happened. Though I chose to forget it, my life went into a downward spiral. I had emotional problems.
Every time I heard the word abortion I would clam up, not wanting to think. I became addicted to gambling and lost just about everything I owned. It is many years later and I have recovered from my abortions with God’s help. If it were not for God, I would not be here. I had to take the first step and say the word abortion before healing could take place.
It has not been easy. My heart was broken, but God has restored me. I had to forgive myself and then I had to repent and ask God to forgive me. God opened doors that no one else could and helped me walk through them. I give Him all the Glory. My Heavenly Father has blessed me with two beautiful living children and has assured me that my other children are now dancing in the arms of Jesus and waiting for the day we will be reunited!
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I do not want to see another young girl go through what I did!
Today I choose to be Silent No More!