I had an abortion because I was in a relationship with a young man whom I was not wanting to be “stuck with” for life. I didn’t want my life to change, I didn’t want my freedoms limited and I wanted to go to college and believed that I wouldn’t pursue my education if I had a baby. I thought that I would be much better off and happier if I terminated the pregnancy.
There was an older woman I worked with who told me how to go about getting the abortion. No one told me that I would regret this decision. Within a day I had an appointment to have the abortion.
At the clinic I wasn’t given any counseling whatsoever.
During the abortion procedure, I couldn’t help but feel that the doctor was irritated with me. He gave me the impression that he was disgusted that girls like me were making him have to do this job
Immediately after the abortion I felt relieved that I was no longer pregnant. I tried hard to believe that the baby had just been a “bunch of cells” and I was convinced that I wouldn’t be bothered by it. I stuffed down the pain.
After some time went on though I started feeling depressed. I no longer wanted to continue in school, so I dropped out of college and proceeded to get involved in relationships which weren’t healthy-I was partying and doing drugs. I had no desire to have children.
After I found Jesus Christ as my Savior, I began to rethink the abortion I had. I began to realize that I had actually taken the life of my child. I had a vision of meeting my child in heaven and when I saw him I knew who he was immediately. I saw his whole personality, his potential, his impact on others in his life and I saw that I was responsible for taking all of that away. As I’ve walked with the Lord, He has given me peace and removed my shame and fear. On Mother’s Day this year, while I was helping to lead the worship at church, I heard my baby in heaven tell me that he wishes that I wouldn’t be so sad when I think of him. He said that he isn’t sad. I can now look forward to our meeting in heaven.
I wrote a song about my experience and the refrain goes like this:
Where’s the shame? Covered with Christ’s blood
Where’s the pain? Being healed by God’s love
Where’s the truth? It’s a sharp sword in my mouth
Where’s the fear? By Love it’s been cast out!
In my life I have exercised all of my reproductive rights. I have six children here on earth, I have had four miscarriages including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. But of all those choices I made, there is only one that I regret. My abortion. That’s why I am silent no more!
To view Sarah's testimony on YouTube, click here.