Twenty-six years ago, I was a 24-year-old, unmarried woman. When I suspected I
was pregnant, I hinted around to my best girlfriend at the time that if I was
pregnant, I might have an abortion. I figured, heck, it’s legal, and no one would
have to know but me. It was the ‘80s, and everyone was doing it. Her reaction
was strong, “If you have an abortion, I’ll never speak to you again.” From that
moment on, I remained silent about my abortion.
I chose to abort my child purely out of selfishness. I did not want anyone to know that this goody two-shoes was pregnant before marriage. I was so worried about protecting my
reputation that I never gave thought to anyone else other than myself; I did not tell my then fiancé that I chose to abort his child; I did not tell my parents that I chose to abort their first grandchild; I never admitted to myself that I chose to kill my own flesh and blood, my first child.
As I went into the abortion clinic on June 2, 1984, I was alone, except for the child still in my womb. There were no prayer warriors or sidewalk counselors. No girlfriend, sister, mother or boyfriend. There are many other things that stand out in my memory of that day; however,
I’ll share these three very vivid memories:
First, the “counseling” I received from a clinic staff member was “Are you sure you want to do this?” No, but was anyone at the abortion mill willing to talk me out of it or tell me the truth – that my child’s life was about to end as a result of my choice?
Second, during an ultrasound to locate the child in my womb, the doctor quickly turned the screen of the ultrasound machine away from me saying, “Oh, you’re not supposed to see this.” But it was too late … I had already seen my child’s image on the screen, and was
already medicated, and was already too much under the influence of the “it’s just tissue – it’s not a baby yet” mentality of the culture of death.
Thirdly, I vividly remember the suction … the moment when my child was torn into pieces, and his heart stopped. Little did I realize that my heart also stopped that day, as it was
immediately filled with grief and profound regret over a choice that I knew deep down in my soul was inherently wrong, although the abortionist, his staff, the media, and our government said it’s legal, so it must be okay.
Although I have experienced God’s unfathomable mercy through the Sacrament of Reconciliation in the Catholic Church, I continue to profoundly regret my choice, and I continue to work towards forgiving myself for participating in such an intrinsic evil as to kill
my own child. As a form of reparation to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I stand here today telling my story in prayerful hope
that my choice today – to be SILENT NO MORE – will help a man or woman
contemplating the choice between life or death of a child to CHOOSE LIFE. I regret
my abortion. One could NEVER, EVER regret CHOOSING LIFE.
To view Judi's story on YouTube, CLICK HERE.