I give you this testimony in order to help you understand the devastating effects of having an abortion, slaughtering a life in the womb.
I had an abortion in 1973, when I was 19 years old, because I was scared to be pregnant and my boyfriend wanted me to. He said he wasn’t ready to be a father. It was very painful and a decision I always regretted. We were both using hard drugs, always trying to kill the pain. (In a more deep way, we were reaping the evil of the unholy seed of our relationship.)
We eventually ended the relationship and then I was with another man, partying a lot, who told me he was sterile. I became pregnant in 1981 and he also wanted me to have an abortion. He told me that I was not attractive to him pregnant.
At that time, society was saying that 12 weeks and under was safe to have an abortion because it was just a cell with no feeling. All lies. When I went to see about it and before I knew it, the doctor had me on the table performing the slaughter. Immediately I was dead inside and was sad and empty and devastated. Total darkness set in and would not go away. I was suicidal and thought that God was angry and hated me and that all children hated me. I was a living darkness, inside and out, and was numb to love. Nothing would make the pain go away.
Abortion is a darkness that devastates and murders life inside of the body and soul. It paralyzes the heart of any love. Only great sorrow and grief and a constant mourning follow. The baby that was murdered, slaughtered from inside the womb, can never be brought back and allowed to live. There is a total emptiness and only Jesus Himself can deliver one from such darkness and infection of violence from within. The soul feels a desire for self-death, unable to feel the love of her God or of children. Only through deep sorrow and great repentance can the soul be delivered from this mortal darkness into the radiant light of Christ and His great love of Divine Mercy. Only through Jesus’ forgiveness can this soul one day see heaven: otherwise without repentance, the path is eternal hell.
Still continuing on this party road to emptiness, trying to kill the pain, I became pregnant once more from a man that I didn’t know and whom I never saw again. Friends once more tried to convince me to have an abortion, but I knew that no matter what, I could never go down that black dark path of death again. So as difficult as it was being pregnant, all alone and not knowing the father, I chose to have my beautiful baby and he was born on Christmas Eve in 1983, the greatest gift that God has ever given me. (This is when my healing began: when I said yes to life.)
When I went to baptize my son in the Catholic Church, the priest refused to baptize him unless I came back to the sacraments. When I went to the sacrament of confession, the healing process became manifest in me, and through lots of repentance, prayer, healing Masses, and the Divine Mercy of God, I have been healed and forgiven and I hope to see heaven as a beautiful Saint one day for Jesus with my son and my two aborted babies in the arms of the Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph.
So along with the great Mother of God I proclaim, "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. For He that is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name."