Loving Forgiveness

  Kathy
Missouri,  United States
 
  I had an abortion because I was selfish.  I already loved my baby, but the pervasive culture of death in 1980 (even more so now) convinced me of all the feminist lies, i.e., 'It's my body', 'It's not really a baby', 'You can and should do whatever you want with your own sexuality, and certainly that extends to your baby-which-isn't-really-a-baby', etc., etc.

The procedure was the most brutal thing I'd ever experienced myself or observed (and I was a nurse then, not a lawyer, so I'd seen plenty).  So was the 'postpartum' examination.

After the killing I felt brutal and heartless, too, just like the people who'd aborted me.  I knew I'd done something horrible.  But everyone around me had had abortions too, and they never said anything so I tried to 'act like' I was a 'good feminist' and didn't feel like my heart was broken.  I knew I was a murderer and I kept wondering why no one noticed the complete difference in me.  I'd always been so compassionate, rescuing injured animals; and of course, compassion was my profession, nursing.

I didn't realize the full horror of what I'd done to my helpless child-whose first line of defense I, his mother, was-for 17 years.  Then one day I was at my Veterinarian's, watching a little dog struggle to survive after it had been the only one kept from a late-term abortion (the other viable puppies were just killed).  This puppy was way pre-term and at death's door.   But we took such pains with him that he survived.  I saw how much this little guy wanted to live!  And that flashed me back immediately to my baby.  I was instantly convicted of the horror I had done; and into the bargain, I was paralyzed with horror that I'd done such a terrible thing; such an unthinkable horror.  I was the most compassionate person I knew-by this time I was launched on what I still do today:  Dog rescue.  So I was just...completely horrified at myself.

I found help and forgiveness through Holy Mother Church and the Sacrament of Penance (Confession).  The first priest I approached was 'Novus Ordo' and he tried to treat this grave sin as de minimis, i.e., 'Oh, no need to get on your knees, it's not really a sin, just a choice you made, blah, blah, blah'.  I left that priest and found the true Church, the Latin-Rite pre-Vatican II Church.  There, the enormity of my sin was acknowledged, but fast upon the heels of that came Christ's loving forgiveness through His 'Alter Christus', a holy priest.  Some time later I went through 'Project Rachel'.  And then, I became involved, a Pro-Life activist.

Aside from the work I do as a lawyer-defending my beloved Church through defense of our 1st Amendment, my pro-life work is the most important part of my life.

I want to close by saying that I think the main emphasis should be on the baby, not the woman.  That should be secondary.  Otherwise it just becomes more-of-the-same selfishness, just as the feminists make it. 
   
   
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