Where Can I Run from Your love?

	Mary Kim Massachusetts, United States

	I was 26 and living in another city when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was in denial and could not face the loss of my Mom and the sadness of my Dad if he had to face her death and my unmarried pregnancy at the same time. During the procedure I felt humiliation and in pain. The first attempt was unsuccessful and had to be re-done. I vomited and had terrible cramps. Afterwards I was numb and tried to resume my regular job and life. My memory of that time is not good- I felt like someone sleepwalking through life. I burried the event so as not to become immobilized by the truth of what I had done. I thought of suicide. I went with friends to a Charismatic conference a few months later and was able to go to a priest for reconciliation. He gave me Psalm 149 to pray. The line, "Where can I run from your love" and other parts of the Psalm helped me. I have been in music ministry since I was 11 years old and singing and playing music in praise of God's love and mercy has really helped me over the years. I met my husband soon after my mother died and told him about my past. He took me to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat almost 15 years after our marriage. We have not been blessed with children of our own and he understands that I have struggled with guilt and pain all these years. I know God's mercy is greater than my sin and I'm forever greatful for that. I believe in the Silent No More Awareness Campaign and know that it is a powerful weapon against the culture of death. God Bless you!

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