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Mendy
Kentucky,
United States
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Twenty-one years ago, I was a freshman returning to college for the spring semester. I soon learned that I was pregnant. I returned home to tell the baby's father and was told it was my problem to deal with. He did not love me and had no intentions of helping. All that I knew to do was to turn to my parents. I was shocked that their solution to the situation was for me to have an abortion. I did not want an abortion, but I did not believe I had any other choice; I had already shamed and disappointed my parents and did not believe they would ever be able to accept me or the baby. I was told that it was not a baby just a blob of tissue at that point and that was what I needed to tell myself. Once the procedure was over, life would return to “normal”-as if I had never been pregnant.
Life did not return to normal. I immediately sank into depression. I tried to stuff the feelings, but found myself crying it seemed all the time. Often, I did not even know why. I tried to numb the pain with alcohol and portrayed myself as promiscuous, wild and carefree through my actions and the clothes I wore.
However, the only person I pursued was the baby's father. Later I learned that regardless of the abuse, I thought I needed him because he was the only link I had to my baby and I desperately wanted a replacement child. The relationship with my family deteriorated to the point that my parents kicked me out and they completely turned their back on me.
Two years after the abortion, I was pregnant for the 2nd time. I could not see hope for my future and could not find an escape for the pain I felt. In my desperation I attempted suicide, I spent three days in ICU, the doctors could not tell my family whether I would live, or if I did make it there was a possibility of organ damage. In addition, I lost my baby as a result of the suicide attempt.
The following year, I became pregnant for the 3rd time, only to lose the baby to a miscarriage. Two years later, I was pregnant for the 4th time; I finally had the courage to leave my children's father and gave birth to my daughter, Victoria on April 5, 1996. I cried, for the joy of becoming a mother and for all that I had lost.
I have spent 20+ years struggling with abandonment issues, shame, fear, self-image issues, and self-destructive behavior as a result of the abortion. Had I been offered an ultrasound, been offered counseling and information about the risks of abortion, a different option I believe my life would have turned out differently. Abortion destroys so much, it was not just a blob of tissue, it was my baby that was destroyed, and I also lost so many years to the devastating effects of abortion. We need to move forward, we need to acknowledge the truth about abortion—It is a tool of destruction it does not help women, it hurts them.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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