My Son

  Kayla
Missouri,  United States
 
  I had an abortion because I was told at the first ultrasound at 22 weeks that my baby had Down syndrome. Then two weeks later they did an amniocentesis and I was told he had Cystic Fibrosis also. The doctor told us there was something wrong with every organ in our baby's body. He encouraged us by telling us what a burden the child would be.

During the abortion...the first day they injected my baby in the heart to kill him and I immediately regretted it and knew I couldn't turn back. I cried and cried and was in a deep depression for five years.

Immediately after the abortion, my milk came in and all I can describe it as is hopelessness. I was in a very, very dark place emotionally and spiritually. As time went on it did not get better...my depression worsened. I was suicidal and had so much anger. I alienated people from my life and isolated myself.

I found help and forgiveness through Healing Hearts online. It was when they brought me through scripture and showed me my sin of murder and I repented that the depression was lifted and God started showing me how the abortion affected so many parts of my life.

I still feel like a part of me died with my child and miss him everyday. I chose not to have anymore children after that due to the cystic fibrosis. I think I still punish myself for it at times though even though I know God forgave me.
   
   
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