I had an abortion because I was threatened and terrified. Growing up in my home was severely chaotic. Relationships with anyone from immediate family to friends were a struggle for me. SO when I was forced to move out and live with my boyfriend, it’s no surprise that I found myself in an abusive relationship. His Father has abused him and his mother.
When I found myself pregnant, the father and grandfather berated me and threatened me. My mother and brother told me an abortion would be for the best. I heard the same stories from Planned Parenthood, that my child wouldn't have a chance. How did they know?
I went to the clinic at six weeks and was sent home. They informed me I would have to wait until I was eight weeks pregnant because this was "easier for the Doctor". May have been easier for HIM but it wasn’t for me.
When my eighth week came and I was driven to the clinic, I was mortified. All I could do was cry and cry. Instead of trying to counsel me on my options, I was rushed in and told over and over it was for the best.
I felt them ripping my son from my womb and I wanted with every bone in my body to jump off that table and run.
Right after the "procedure" was done, I was shuffled into a room with several other women who had just gone through what I had. Crying uncontrollably I was told, yet again, I did the right thing and it would be OK. Other women who were upset shared that this was their third and fourth and they were happier for it.
I was not.
As the years passed, I grew increasingly angry with men, angry with myself. I threw myself into work, dog training, sitting on boards and kept my schedule filled with as many things as I could. I wanted control of my life and for no one to ever tell me what to do ever again.
I became anorexic and a compulsive exerciser. Eventually, this pain led me to not ever wanting kids and to pain medication addiction.
It wasn't until near 19 years later that after having given my life to Christ for several of those years, that God touched my heart and told me it was time to heal. I found a great group of women and started a 16-week healing program. I am no longer angry or depressed. I am free from drug addiction. I am free to share now my experience in hopes to help others so they will never feel the pain I did. If they have, I want them to know there is healing and forgiveness. No one has to live with this pain. Christ is full of mercy and grace and waiting to extend it to all those in need that will call upon his name.
I just want to thank God for his forgiveness.