I had two abortions because I was too young, unmarried, and afraid. Both times I felt coerced into the abortions by family, boyfriend, and the abortion facility, Planned Parenthood. I didn't feel I had any "choice.” No one came forward to help me have the babies and I didn't know enough about adoptions or spend much time considering an adoption. It is so ridiculous that Pro-Abortion people speak of being pro-choice because I felt, I had no choice. The first abortion, I went with my cousin and my boyfriend was nowhere in sight. It was like a nightmare. The people at Planned Parenthood were cold and efficient with no compassion or mercy for me. They told me that it wouldn't hurt and that I wouldn't feel pain. What they didn't tell me is that I would feel the most horrible emotional pain imaginable. I killed my child and I was supposed to feel fine. I can't remember the procedure much, but after it I felt hollow inside and like I had committed the despicable act of self-abuse possible. It was as if I had cut off my own leg. I had to completely put it out of my mind and go on with life. I went on with life but I was miserable. I became pregnant again, by a different boyfriend, and I really wanted to have this child and not go through with another abortion, but I was coerced again and went through with it. I then had a complete nervous breakdown and quit school. I didn't know that the abortions did this to me. I thought I was suffering depression because of dropping out of school. It took me many years to admit that those abortions were the reason for my ongoing battle with depression and my anger. Sometimes I would just be sitting by myself and feel wave after wave of grief and pain wash over me, as I sobbed hysterically.
One day, I felt God speak to me during one of these crying times. I felt Him say to me that I should confess my abortions. I wasn't a fan of the Catholic Church at the time, but I did go to confession and confessed to the abortions (but I went separately). I hadn't believed that God could forgive such a horrible sin and I was sure that I could not be saved. But just as His word says, if we will confess our sins and repent then He will certainly forgive us no matter what. I had felt so much shame and remorse and that I was living a lie, but after my confessions little by little I started to get over the pain and realized that God's mercy is so great. I was forgiven. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and He has been healing me from all my past wounds. He revealed to me that He has kept my poor babies in heaven for me and I have named them. Once a human life is conceived, it is an eternal life so even if the life is not born yet, it will go on and since this is innocent life, it will go to heaven. God does not condemn us, but we need to go to Him and seek His loving-kindness before it is too late. For all of you who have wounded your souls through abortion, even if it was just to council someone to have an abortion, I pray you will seek forgiveness and help to stop this horror from continuing.