I had an abortion because I was scared and my boyfriend was too. We both were in college and I thought it would ruin my life to have a baby. I was ashamed that I got pregnant and felt stupid. I never have confessed my abortion but have prayed about it daily and at church.
During the abortion procedure, I experienced the metal objects that increased dilation of my cervix. I remember it wasn't quiet but, I most remember trying to keep still. I was afraid if I didn't keep still, the doctor would slip and I would never be able to get pregnant again.
Immediately after the abortion, I felt shock and emptiness. I remember my boyfriend took me to a diner and I ate a hamburger. We then went back to my room at college and went to bed. We both sobbed and Jonah told me he felt our baby was with his grandfather.
As time went on after the abortion I felt and experienced fear, guilt and shame. Fear of my soul burning in eternal hell. Guilt that I never told my parents I ever was pregnant. And shame because I terminated the life of the child I wanted deep down, but was afraid to bring into the world.
I found help and forgiveness through no one really, until now, when I found out I am not the only woman to feel this way and I really am not alone. I am in the company of other strong and loving women whose hearts have been broken by abortion.