My name is Amber and I regret my abortion.
I became pregnant during my freshman of college, and with the support of my boyfriend, decided to get an abortion, because I could not bear the thought of facing my parents, as an unmarried, single mother and being judged for my behaviors.
Being brought up in a Christian home, I knew deep down inside that abortion was wrong, but I felt so scared and so alone, and saw no other way out of my situation. I turned to my friends for help, and every single one of them was convinced that getting an abortion would be my best option. Looking back, I believe I was searching for an alternative to abortion.
On abortion day, my boyfriend drove and paid for the abortion. After a short wait in the waiting room, I heard my name being called, and felt fear deep inside me. I desperately wanted my boyfriend or anyone at that point, to stop me. I remember getting up very slowly and dragging my feet, looking back at my boyfriend, hoping he would stop this from happening, but he just looked down.
I don’t remember any kind of counseling or reassurance before the procedure but clearly remember the abortionist coming into the treatment room and feeling a lot of pain. I remember the horrible sound of the vacuum and severe pain. I begged the abortionist to stop, then felt his assistant place a mask over my face, which eventually calmed me down. The next thing I remember is waking up with stomach cramps and my boyfriend talking to the abortionist. My boyfriend was told ..."get her a little bit of something to eat, and let her sleep it off and everything will be fine tomorrow." It was not fine! Three months after my abortion; my boyfriend and I broke up. I went on with my life, never associating my anger, failed relationships and promiscuity, with my abortion.
My path to healing was a winding journey of marrying my wonderful husband, finding our way back to faith & ultimately becoming Catholic. In 2007, my husband and I participated in our first 40 days for life. I became a trained sidewalk counselor and realized that I needed healing from my abortion. In 2008, I mourned for my baby girl, Cecilia Marie at a project Rachel retreat. My husband was at my side and many tears were shed that day, the cleansing forgiveness of God became apparent. And, I forgave myself. Today, I have a Saint in Heaven praying for me and I am working to see her someday.