I tried to believe the lie

  Scott
Manitoba,  Canada
 
  My girlfriend decided to abort our child in approximately June of 1979. I believe she chose the abortion partly because of her age (she was 19 and we were unmarried) and also because of my state of mind (I was a practicing alcoholic). When she went to the Planned Parenthood Abortion Clinic in St. Paul Minnesota I was scared because I did not know what was going to happen. When she came back, I knew what had happened; the life of my child had been taken. The anxiety within me increased as I thought about what we had done and I tried to medicate the unidentified pain through consuming alcohol. This did not work. I eventually left my girlfriend because I could not face her and be reminded about what we had done. I eventually went to a priest and confessed my wrongdoing. (i.e. allowing the abortion she wanted and covering up my wrongdoing).

The emptiness within me seemed to grow, even though I was forgiven.  I eventually married someone else and wanted to have a family. Our two children were lost due to miscarriages and I felt I was being punished for killing my first child. I eventually found out that I was learning the lesson that I child is a person, whether a person feels capable of caring for them or not.

I went to Rachel’s Vineyard and found more healing from Jesus.

I tried to believe the lie that a child in the womb was not a person but I could not find healing until I faced the reality that human life begins at conception and any death after that point is the loss of a human life. Once I accepted that I could deal with all of the ramifications of my abortion involvement. I could then begin to deal with the guilt, shame, anger, fear, deception, lying, grief, self-hatred and loss that surrounded that event. I had to face the truth and discovered that when you know the truth, the truth will set you free, and Jesus will forgive.  I don’t want others in a difficult situation to believe the lie that a child is not a child at the point of conception and that is why I am Silent No More.
   
   
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