I was 22 years old, married, and I had a two year old little
boy. I started feeling sick and knew I was probably pregnant, even though I had
been to the doctor and had an IUD inserted. I went to the local doctor and he
told me I had the flu. He gave me meds and told me to go home and I should feel
fine. I didn't, became very sick, and vomited until I was dehydrated and had to
go to the emergency room. They admitted me and realized I was pregnant. When I
got out, I went back to the same doctor, and he discovered that the IUD had
moved into my uterus. He told me I had a 50/50 chance of aborting naturally and
suggested I get an abortion. My husband was out of work and was not happy I was
pregnant, especially since I had been using birth control. He told me to have
the abortion or get out. I asked everyone what they thought I should do. My
parents were going through a hard time themselves and said it would not be a
good time to go home. We were living with my in-laws and they did not care for
children anyway. I even asked the only Christian I knew at the time - the
mother of my husband's best friend - and she told me she thought it was the
only thing I could do to "solve my problem." I felt so desperate. I
did not have the money to take care of myself and I had nowhere else to go.
Even with all that, I knew it was wrong. My husband wanted a girl and even told
me if we could be sure it was a girl, he would be fine with having the baby.
We made an appointment with a local abortion clinic in
Atlanta. The day of the appointment arrived and we went to the clinic.
Everything was so hush-hush. You had to have your payment in cash - no checks.
We signed a form that said the doctor and the clinic had no responsibility
whatsoever if something went wrong with the procedure.
I remember walking into the waiting room and the only other
people in there were a teenaged girl and her mother. I remember thinking,
"How can a mother take her daughter to do something like this?" Then
it hit me that I was the mother in my case, and I was doing the same thing.
I remember being petrified when the procedure occurred. The
doctor hardly spoke to me at all. It was painful, and I did not look because I
did not want to see what was there.
I remember the woman in the bed next to me in recovery
laughing and joking with the nurse. I asked the nurse why she thought it was
funny to be there. The nurse said she was a prostitute and it was her 27th
abortion. I saw her later down stairs, and she was with her pimp.
I was divorced two years later and had remarried two years
later. I was driving down the road one day and heard a radio program by Dr.
James Dobson called "Tillie,” about a little girl who had been aborted and
was in Heaven and was telling her mother how much she loved her and had
forgiven her. It broke my heart and it opened up my eyes to what I had done. I
thought I had "solved" my problem, but what I had done was killed my
baby. I pulled off the side of the road and cried for about 20 minutes. I told
Jesus how sorry I was (I had become a Christian about 4 years before this). I
heard His voice say to me, "This is exactly what I died for. You are
forgiven." The sorrow was great but there was peace and a burden to share
my story with others.
I have shared many times with others what I did and that
Jesus forgave me and He will forgive them, too. For years I missed that baby so
much. I went on to have 5 more children and lost 4 more babies. I know I have
lots of precious children in Heaven waiting for me.