|
|
| |
Cindy
Oregon,
United States
|
| |
|
| |
I was a few days shy of my 19th birthday when I first heard the words, “You’re pregnant.” I figured this meant I needed to decide if I wanted to become a mother, not realizing I already was.
I chose abortion because well-meaning loved ones encouraged it or offered no alternatives, I didn’t think I would be able to finish college, I was ashamed to be pregnant outside of marriage, and I was afraid to be a single parent.
It was so easy to believe the lies, that what would be removed was simply a piece of tissue, and that, by having it removed, I could simply go on with my life, never looking back. Everything and nearly everyone was pointing to abortion. This was not just my choice, this was the choice of a society.
I recall a nine hour bus trip, going to the clinic on a Thursday afternoon, my ex-boyfriend standing at the counter handing over the two hundred dollars. I remember going down a long hallway, and into a room where they inserted a laminaria stick inside of me, and told me to come back the next morning.
That night was spent curled up in a baby in the womb position, crying from the cramps. My only memory of the next day is of walking down that same hallway, going into the room, climbing up on the table, and the excruciating pain.
My memory returns the following Monday as I opened a letter from the clinic, stating that all of the tissue had been successfully removed. I know now that tissue included the fully formed hands and feet and the once beating heart of my first child. How I wish I had fought for him.
The next year was a steady blur of heavy drug and alcohol use, and, for the following 16 years, I suffered from eating issues, nightmares, flashbacks, anger outbursts, low self-esteem, and an inability to trust anyone. I couldn’t bond with my children, nor trust my parenting decisions. After all, look how I had done with my first. My marriage was falling apart and, ironically, I was fast on my way to becoming a single parent of four.
My healing journey began when a woman stood up at church, and she shared in front of more than 500 people that she had had an abortion, and that she had suffered until she went through a post abortion healing program offered by our local pregnancy resource center.
I went through the program which used the Forgiven and Set Free study. I started the Bible study feeling that I would never amount to anything more than the Woman at The Well, and I finished it absolutely certain that I was a beloved daughter of our Almighty King.
It was such a wonderful feeling to be forgiven and to learn that I could in turn forgive those who influenced my decision. I didn’t realize that I had been harboring resentment towards them for 17 years.
I finished the study with a strong desire to help others still in bondage over their poor choices, and as I do so, the blessings continue to flow.
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
|