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Abi
California,
United States
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I was about to get married to this guy so that I could get a green card. We allowed ourselves to fall in love with each other. We were committed to making our marriage work, or so I felt.
We found out we were pregnant one month after we started dating. I was excited, he was not. He told me he wasn't ready and so, for our marriage to work, we couldn't have any babies yet. I listened to him and took comfort in the fact that we are getting married, and that I would have children with him in the future and that this was all for the best. It was my sacrifice to make the marriage work.
I had the procedure done one week before our supposed wedding. We were very excited to get married. He did not follow through with marrying me and told me that he wanted to wait. I said okay.
Immediately after the procedure, I felt relieved and unreal. In the weeks following the procedure, I became very depressed. He blamed himself for everything and distanced himself, when all I needed was his support through this difficult time. I guess he did not want anything to do with me anymore due to my depression and broke up with me. I asked him how he felt about the baby, and he said, to him, she was not real. That was very painful and that was what I made myself believe. But after he left me, all my feelings of regret surfaced, and it is an indeed difficult time. I will hopefully recover with God's help, but I probably never will forget.
The only legacy here on earth that I can give my baby is the acknowledgement that she was alive and real, and that we will be together again in heaven. I honestly just want the second coming to come already so that I can be with her. It is just so painful, what could have been. My sweet baby, I am so sorry. Please wait for me, and I love you so much. Dear God, please comfort my baby and take care of her and love her until I can be with her again as her mother.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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