Taking the 'Good' from the Bad

	Maria Ecuador, Ecuador

	I had an abortion four years ago because I was weak and let my boyfriend to convince me about a better future without a child. We both recently graduated from a Master’s program. He started a new job, and I was looking for one when we had the news of the pregnancy. I was afraid this would ruin my future, as I was starting a new stage in my professional life. I was selfish, ignorant, and afraid to disappoint my parents and his, as we were always considered an example of a perfect couple, with success in the both studies and jobs. I didn't try to look for help and did everything he advised me to do. He looked for the clinic and researched for the best procedure and the best care for me. I didn't fight enough for my baby and trusted in him. I remember every little detail as if it was yesterday. The pain and blame sometimes are present. The clinic was comfortable and professional. I tried two times to stop the procedure, but my boyfriend convinced me again and my self-esteem was so low that I accepted. When I woke up, I felt that my heart was empty and started to cry so loudly that the nurses asked me to stop to avoid upsetting the rest of women. I was in pain physically and emotionally. All I wanted was to go back in time and leave there with my baby inside. I felt regret and part of relief. My boyfriend promised me that even with the abortion we still were going to get married, but after being in a relationship for five years, he left me. Perhaps I never truly forgave him and myself and all the problems in the relationship deep inside were for the abortion and my pain about it. Few times he tried to listen to me and help me, now I see that maybe he was in pain too and didn't want to share it. Now I'm alone, I chose a man over my baby, and this hurts so badly. I turned to God this year and found myself more in peace because I felt His forgiveness. But I still needed to pray more for my baby. I think that I have to take the "good" from the bad and change my mission in life and try to stop more women from having abortions. If I can convince just one woman to keep her baby, it would mean everything to the world and, step by step, show God my regret and love for Him. I need to be healed and start a new life with God and become silent no more!

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