Failure

  Chuck
Missouri,  United States
 
  Thirty-nine years ago, I participated in the abortion of my son. When at age 17, I learned that my girlfriend was pregnant, we were stunned and things happened very quickly. I should have been responsible enough to know better, to protect my unborn son in his mother from a horrible, misguided, and irreversible choice. Today, I would do anything to have that choice back, to have had the courage to say no. Instead, I said nothing. I was afraid, timid, and complicit by my silence. Deep down inside, I knew the truth, this was our baby, but no, I said nothing. I did nothing but accompany her along with her mother to Planned Parenthood to destroy our child.

During the procedure, I felt numb and helpless, but for this monumental failure as a father I accept full responsibility. Amazingly, God blessed us and we were married five years later, but she suffered the shockwaves of depression, low self-esteem, and the buried guilt of her lost motherhood. The life that had been sucked away from her womb and forgotten by everyone else but her.

Now I understand and believe that a woman's love for her child is stamped into her heart by God. Her baby cannot be ripped away without a devastating and permanent wound. That wound is forever and our problem was not solved. Eleven years ago, we found repentance and reconciliation through the amazing retreat program called Rachel's Vineyard. We learned that God still loved us and we were finally able to forgive ourselves.

I want to tell all men who have participated in an abortion or had their children aborted against their will, to let your heart out of prison that help and healing is available. The pain of my lost fatherhood remains with me every day but now through God's grace and mercy it and his unforgivable love, I live with joy and peace. That is why I can be silent no more. Thank you and God bless.

   
   
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