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Katie
Virginia,
United States
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I was 21 when I got pregnant for the 2nd time. I had placed my first child for adoption and, while it was the right thing, it was incredibly hard.
In order to cope with the crushing weight of grief, I returned to my pattern of pursuing bad relationships – turning to men instead of to God to bring healing. As is so common with women who have placed babies for adoption, I found myself in the same situation for a second time - pregnant and alone.
Out of what I can only describe as warped self-preservation and desperation, I made a choice that would forever alter my world. I had an abortion. I truly thought I wouldn’t survive another adoption and didn’t want to destroy my family. I figured this way the only person who would be hurt was me.
The problem with that idea is that part of me died along with my son…and it pushed me so far into the depths of darkness that I didn’t believe there was a way out. This decision solidified in my mind that I was not worth loving by anyone, especially by God. I continued running from anyone or anything that made me deal with the real issues.
It took five years for me to allow God in to those broken parts of my heart. He began healing all of those parts I had so carefully protected and provided relationships with safe people who encouraged and loved me so well.
I went through Forgiven and Set Free and, honestly, it changed my life. I am not here to say it’s not my fault or that I had an excuse, what I am here to say is that whether it is by choice or not, at some point we all have to look within ourselves and choose to get right with God - and that's why I am silent no more!
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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