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Joanne
California,
United States
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While in grad school, I had an abortion. I had low self-esteem, having been rejected by the "great" love of my life, who, in retrospect, while an impressive person, was not truly loving or kind at all. My friends all said what a great catch he was. None of that was true—too bad I didn't have a wise person in my life to guide me. I didn't realize the gift he gave me in breaking up with me. As life has unfolded, I now see that we were not suited. Yet, instead of going to counseling, I sought out attention from others. If you do not value yourself, who else will?
My downward spiral continued until I got pregnant. After the abortion, which the staff did not inform me would be very painful, I somehow drove myself home, hemorrhaging. What kind of care was this? They were all helpful prior to the procedure, but, once done, I was out the door. I remember seeing the face of Jesus, in my tears and sorrow afterwards, and He smiled at me tenderly. I could not fathom why--such tremendous love and mercy. Somehow I managed to get through the depression and suicidal thoughts - clearly someone was praying for me.
I married badly, wanting to change my life and settle down, ignorantly fearing God's wrath, as if this would help. But the blessing was that I had a beautiful child, and I was led to a Bible study prayer group which really saved my soul and helped me find forgiveness, healing, and even joy.
Knowing my babies are in heaven helps tremendously, letting them know my sorrow and love for them is important, and doing what I can to stop abortion - both individually and nationwide - offers hope to others. Wallowing in grief and depression is no way to live - living for others, helping those without hope and giving without counting the cost - these things can change our culture of death into one of life. If you are reading this, God bless you and keep you.
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Silent No More Awareness Campaign: Reach Out - Educate - Share
www.silentnomoreawareness.org |
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