Every Day

  Chase
Ontario,  Canada
 
  My entire life was about getting into law school. I was determined and driven. I finally did it. I got into law school. I got my acceptance letter in the mail the same day I found out I was pregnant.

It was a chaotic time, I had to move to a new city and find a new apartment within two weeks in order to start my first semester. The father of the child was not supportive, he was afraid and frantic. His educational aspirations were also chaotic, and he was very stressed. I felt like I could not tell anyone. I had no emotional support. I was ashamed for even thinking about an abortion, and I was ashamed that I was pregnant without being married. I felt like my father would have been extremely disappointed in me.

I felt like the procedure was also handled very transaction-like and had no personal or sympathetic atmosphere. I had a bad reaction afterwards, it felt like a seizure of some sort, a hot white light that shot through me. I ripped off my shirt in the waiting room and waited to come back to a calm.  It felt like I drifted away for a few moments, and everything was a blur. I felt the pain from the surgery but felt like I was no longer present in my own body.

I have had flashbacks, and I have lived with depression and heightened anxiety since then. I am on the right medication for depression, and my psychiatrist acknowledged the pain that was left behind over six years ago from the abortion. I know that I am not wrong or reacting badly to the abortion, they just aren't right.

I was further traumatized by working in a firm that defended murderers, and a few of the cases were directly about abortions. This made my depression worse. It also affected my job performance and my ability to move forward in my career.

This changed my life, and it affects me every day.
   
   
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