I speak today on something personal and dear to my heart—abortion. This is my story and God's story of
redemption and freedom through the cross.
I was single, age 25.
At the time of my abortion, I felt overwhelmed, confused, alone, sad, and
afraid. I had just found out the day before I was pregnant. I was pressured on the phone to come the next
day. The abortion clinic said I could
just put the past behind me. The pregnancy was unexpected, and I didn't know
how to deal with the "how can I's", the judgement of people, or
questions. I wanted out of the
relationship, not trapped in it, and I had no support system in place.
Abortion felt like a way out, like a relief--or so I
thought. I thought I could just return
to life as usual, hiding the secret as if nothing ever happened--or so I
thought. They said it was a blob of tissue, when in reality it was a person
with a heartbeat, its own unique DNA, and the ability to feel pain. I never had
an ultrasound. No one warned me about
the psychological scars, emotional pain, guilt, shame, and regret down the road,
or the medical risks. No one explained
the procedure or seemed to care about my emotional state. Abortion became the
silent killer inside me with deep wounds and scars--hidden in secret and
denial. Who would listen or care for
that matter? Food became my coping
mechanism, then eating disorders. I convinced myself I was okay but wasn't.
One Sunday, seven
years ago a women shared about her abortion and God's healing. My denial broke
and I no longer felt alone. I could not forgive myself and ran. Thankfully, we
serve a faithful God who is determined to chase after us and not give up. I experienced God's comfort, healing, and
forgiveness through a Bible study. What
was most powerful was the "forgiveness ceremony"- where I named the
baby, giving that baby honor and dignity. As my baby was released to my loving
father, Jesus, all shame and guilt were forever removed through what Jesus did
on the cross for me. Though I will always regret my choice, it no longer has power
over me, and Satan no longer has me bound. I wait with anticipation to meet
that person I have never met. Part of my healing to make it complete was to
tell my husband and my teenagers and share my story before the church
congregation. As I stepped down from
sharing that Sunday, my healing felt complete. The truth is stronger than the
lie.
I am so thankful that I have Jesus as my good father who forgives
entirely, heals deeply, and restores completely. I am thankful that God no
longer looks at who I was, but rather who I have become. God never meant for
anyone to carry the pain of abortion in secret, it may be painful to uproot and
deal with, but I can assure you taking it to Jesus and the cross is well worth
the freedom and forgiveness that comes as a result. I am living proof and can
no longer be silent.
My compassion for women and men wounded and broken by
abortion is sometimes overwhelming. I
want the modern day holocaust around me to stop, not only for the unborn babies
but also for the moms who need to know and experience that there is a Jesus in
the 21st century who makes beauty from ashes and sets captives free, and that I
am one of them! How will others know and
hear the truth if someone doesn't speak out and tell them?