Living With This In My Heart
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Veronica
New Jersey,
United States
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I had my abortion because I had just separated from my husband due to an abusive and painful relationship. I was in love with a man who was in a relationship with someone else. I have two kids from my previous marriage, and they were seven and nine at that time.
The father of new pregnancy told me that it was my decision to keep it or abort at that time. A nurse from a hospital told me the way to help myself to get to the decision of aborting or not was by writing on two different papers why I should have an abortion or why not. I followed her advice, and I had more than 15 reasons why I should do it and just one that prevented me from that. It was a SIN.
The father of the child got me the information and the money. The cost was $300, which he provided, and he took me to this place. I remembered it was in Downtown New York. I saw signs of people protesting and terrible pictures in front of this place. I continued my way in with him, but I was scared.
Everything happened so fast, the whole process was maybe 10 minutes. I remember a male doctor and a female assistant before I was put to sleep. I woke next in the recovery room, and the father was helping me to put my shoes on, because I was still affected by the anesthesia. When I got out of that place and into the car, I looked at the sky, and I felt cold and darkness about myself and that God was not there anymore.
I continued in a relationship with this person and used to go to church. As always, I confessed my Sin but felt so much coldness in my conscience, and the priest ex-communicated me from church. I still used to go but not that often. The relationship with this person ended and also my relation with God. I was always thinking about what I did, living with this in my heart. I hated the father of the child because he had influenced me, but I also knew I was responsible.
I asked God every day for forgiveness, prayed for the child, and wanted to adopt a new child. But my husband now, a great man, doesn't want the responsibility. I cried for years, regretting what I did, and wanted to help others not make the same mistake. It's a terrible feeling. I wish I can have that child with me. After years of prayer, I learned with God’s mercy to put all that guilt to the side and to just help others, but I’m not sure how. I pray the Rosary every day for those that are probably contemplating an abortion. I also promise God not to sin again. EWTN, especially one of Father Larry I. speeches, gave me the courage to move on. God bless him and each of you that faithfully pray to end abortion.
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