I had an abortion at 21 years old, at 10 weeks, and I have regretted it ever since. I was upset before I went through with it, and I came away from the hospital safe but feeling upset and empty. I have experienced depression for years, in part because of this.
I had my first abortion because my first child's dad said he was not going to support my first child if I had another child. Also, because I had had sex with another man, I was not sure who my aborted child's father was. I was not working, I had not known my own father, and I wanted my child to know his or hers.
It was only after I had had the abortion that the second man said that he would have supported the baby financially, if it was his, but he would not have had a relationship with me. This information came too late and made me feel annoyed. But the damage was already done.
I had my second abortion, at six weeks, when I was 33 years. This time, the doctor recommended it, because he said there was a fifty percent chance that the anti-depressants that I was taking would harm the baby. I listened to him and went ahead with the abortion. I left the hospital safe. The pain was not as heart wrenching as the first time, for it seemed like the abortion was done for a reason. But I miss both of my children.
I have had two more children, have told the three of them what I have done, and have asked them to make different choices. The memories of what I did remain but speaking to people has helped to an extent, and I hope to be able to feel less guilty in time.