In 1976 at age 21, I became pregnant and I had an abortion – it seemed to be the way to handle my situation of a new job with school debts, no savings, I was not married, some childhood trauma affected the way I reacted to life’s challenges, and my peers were single and childless, too. So abortion was the ONLY choice I considered, and it would be my secret.
I placed my trust in a doctor I found and the abortion took place in a major hospital, under anaesthetic. Everyone, including me, played their part to get it over and done with, like a well-rehearsed play. I even returned to work the next day.
But years later, after marriage and following the birth of my wonderful children in 1985 and 1988: I experienced: nightmares, insecurity, distrust, anxiety, indecision—I became unable to manage basic day-to-day living and my life spiraled downward into depression.
For about 12 years I went from therapy to therapy, but nothing helped. My marriage failed. Why couldn't the deterioration of my life be fixed? Why couldn’t we get to the ROOT cause?
Finally one day, after 23 years, my secret was exposed when I read the words: "If you are depressed from having had an abortion, help is available."
My entire body went numb! Depression = abortion. Abortion = depression. At that moment, my body knew the truth that my choice to have the abortion had changed me!
It took me two weeks to call the post-abortion support group for help. I journeyed with other men and women through a healing process and shared my secret in a confidential, safe place. I learned the most wonderful things: My baby is real! She is with God. It is OK to grieve.
I repented of my sin and received forgiveness – although it took a while to learn to ACCEPT forgiveness. I now have JOY in my life.
By the way: this year—2017—my daughter Marissa would have turned 40 years old.
I regret my abortion. I don't want you or anyone to suffer as I had. So I am silent no more!