My first abortion was in 11th grade. I was not even out of high school and was dating a guy eight years older than myself. My father is an old fashioned Italian. He is very strict and has a very bad temper. I was more afraid of my father who had said many times that I would have to go live in a halfway house if I got pregnant. I was still a teenager with no responsibilities and no money. I had the abortion and tried to forget about it, although my best friend had me call the 700 club as I was feeling so guilty. The man told me that God has flushed my sin away. I was too embarrassed to go to my church knowing how strict we are when it comes to this type of sin.
The second one was when I was starting a career in cosmetology. I was working with the person and dating him, the father of this child. We were both starting out in our careers and had very low pay. I was 24, and he was 22. I did it because I had no money, and I was still living at home. He was struggling with no necessities for himself and lived in an attic apartment. I did it and tried to forget about it but within a few years I began to become depressed, not because of the abortion but because of my financial problems, working long hours for very little pay. I finally got fired from a job I had back then and then I became suicidal. I was considered clinically depressed and had to stay in a hospital for 30 days. It lasted for six and half years. I was 26 when it began.
My grandmother dragged me back to church and struck me down, telling me to thank God for everything He had given me and made me go into confession. I was taken to my parish priest by my aunt, and I confessed it to him as well. I went to church every Sunday ever since, and The Lord has healed me in so many ways.
But when I began to get better and went back to work I fell into a worse trap and just went out with men having no feelings for them. I dated the father of the last two children but had no real love for him. That person had literally tried to kill me and was physically abusive. I was lucky to get away from him completely, and it was then that I began to wake up. My life was spared. A dog came into my life and gave me more of a reason to continue and to fight.
Then, in 2010, my mother began to have severe suicide attempts much worse than mine, and that's when my total conversion took place. I was not living out my entire Catholic faith up until then and now. I have received many graces and miracles in the process. I grow every day and learn more about how powerful my religion is and can be if you begin to understand it and live it. My mother has come a long way but the battle is not over.
I still have doubts about being forgiven but, as I reflect on all of the prayers that God has answered for me, I am grateful to have this chance and time to speak out. God works in mysterious ways. I would love to talk about the miracles. I had one for a friend of mine when we were 16 years old, for each of my grandmothers, my dog, and now my mother. I feel overwhelmed to receive these graces after what I have done. It is worth talking about and to be a witness, to tell others that God is good and merciful, kind and gracious, and wants only what is good for us. Thank you for listening to my testimony.