I came into relationship with Jesus Christ at the tender age of ten years old. Knowing sex outside of marriage was sinful, I intended to preserve my virginity for marriage. Being a passionate and affectionate person, I knew I would face challenges maintaining that goal. I mistook my first intercourse experience as a love exchange. It wasn’t. Even though I wanted his love, I never intended to disobey Christ in order to receive it.
I was pressured to have sex on my 22nd birthday. Repeatedly saying “no, saving it for marriage” but eventually allowed it to happen. We had no protection. We knew about unwanted pregnancy. We allowed it to happen anyway. I’m ashamed to admit I said, “If something happens, we have to get rid of it.”
My first sexual experience got me pregnant. As a Pastor’s daughter, attending a Christian school, living alone, nobody to confide in, I was fearful, isolated, and vulnerable to satanic influence. I believed his lies. I thought I couldn’t face this alone. I believed my family would be ashamed of me. The negative self-talk continued. My boyfriend begged me not to consider abortion. I will forever wish I listened to him.
It’s difficult to process the reality I aborted the only baby I’ll ever have; but find great comfort knowing I’m forgiven. I’m forgiven by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. His forgiveness for me allows me to forgive myself. I wish my testimony didn’t include the fact I had sex before marriage and aborted my baby as a Christian. But I’m grateful God smears me with His Forgiveness, Grace, Mercy, and loving kindness. My church FBCG is a lifeline, affording me the opportunity to graduate from Beauty for Ashes, post-abortion healing Bible Study, helping women heal from the ravages of abortion. As a facilitator, my scars are helping women heal.
I vehemently regret my abortion but I know I’ll see my son Lazarus in heaven.