Not A Day Goes By

  Emily
Minnesota,  United States
 
 
When I had my abortion, I was 16. I grew up in an extremely unstable house. My parents divorced, and both my parents were alcoholics. But my mom was still my best friend. 

When I found out I was pregnant, my doctor suggested a routine pregnancy test. I was shocked to say the least. Immediately, my mom told me I had to abort. I told my boyfriend, and he also told me it was the only option. I looked for other resources. My boyfriend and I even went to a pro-life clinic. He was angry at me, because he said that they just didn’t want me to have the abortion. He, in short, told me I couldn’t go back. I deeply wish they had given me more resources immediately or had asked to speak to me privately. The only two people in my life that mattered pressured me and told me I had to have an abortion. I was lost and just a kid myself. My mom told me she would not support me in any way and if I expected to keep the baby I would have to move out and drop out of school to get a job. I was terrified. 

The day of the abortion my mom brought me. I was hysterical and crying, saying that I couldn’t do this the whole time. Everyone just kept saying I had to. I looked at the ultrasound and was heartbroken. I knew it was wrong, yet I had no other choice. 

Afterwards I started heavily drinking and using drugs and went into an extreme depression.  My boyfriend left me anyway. My mom kicked me out, and I still survived, which only increased my guilt. 

I got pregnant again at 17. I was so careless, because I felt that I was supposed to have a child and I didn’t. My daughter was the best thing that happened to me. Since then I have found my faith and had four children. 

Not a day goes by where I don’t come to tears due to the horrible mistake I’ve made.  It has been the biggest regret of my life. The guilt continues to haunt me daily. The only choice I have is to give back and help save others from making the same horrible mistake.
   
   
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