I had an abortion when I was 16 years old. At first, I had no intention of having an abortion. I did not want to. But, as time went on, I became very scared about the reality of how this baby would affect my future, especially as the likelihood of the father sticking around and actually being a father was slim. That's what really hits me - how far along I was when I made that final decision. And I don't really recall anyone trying to talk me out of doing it, either.
What I remember about the procedure is that they would not tell me the sex of my baby. I can see why now they wouldn't - it would be too personal, and I might have changed my mind if I had known in that moment. I was scared, and I felt horrible and dirty, and I cried. I was so out of it, and I was in pain. I have struggled with it my whole life.
I know God has forgiven me, but I have never forgiven myself. How could I have done that? Knowing how and what they did to my baby... what I did to my baby. I have struggled with drug abuse, alcohol addition, and promiscuity. I still to this day struggle with intimacy. The only person I have ever told was my husband—until recently, when I felt called to do something about it.
I contacted our local pregnancy help center and asked what I could do to help. I met with the Executive Director and told her my story. The next thing I knew, I found myself with a new job! I have begun to go through the healing process, so that I can forgive myself. Now I'm using my story to help others heal and prevent other women from going through this horrible experience as well. God called me to be Silent No More!