In 1970, I was divorced with a 2-year old daughter and got involved with the wrong group of people, who were hippies, at work. They encouraged me to try marijuana, which I did, and in that hippie environment I also became promiscuous. I ended up pregnant. At first, when my body started showing signs of pregnancy, I was excited. But the father didn’t want me to have the baby. His father offered to pay for the abortion, and my parents were worried about what others would think. They didn’t try to talk me out if it and left it up to me.
I decided I was going to have my baby. My very controlling ex-husband had citizenship in Canada and the U.S., and when he found out I was pregnant he threatened to take my daughter to Canada. I became fearful of losing my daughter. I had no support and a friend who had had an abortion encouraged me to have an abortion. I struggled with the decision but made an appointment and then cancelled it three times. Fear finally won, and I had the abortion. At that time, three months was the cut-off, and the doctor said I was very close. Oh, how I wish they would have refused to do the abortion!
My self-esteem was very low after. Instead of cleaning up my life, I just put it out if my mind and continued my sinful lifestyle, constantly looking for love and affirmation. But the Lord was so gracious to me. On October 18, 1971, I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior and made Him the Lord if my life! Praise Jesus!
Years went by, and I knew God had forgiven me. But a counselor challenged me whether I had forgiven myself. I attended a 13-week post abortion counseling group and was able to finally forgive myself. The Lord showed me my baby was a boy, and I named him Anthony, which means priceless. I will regret my abortion till the day I go to heaven and see Anthony, but God has given me peace in the midst of sorrow. What an honor it was when the Lord used me to lead a young gal, who was seeking an abortion, to Jesus. She changed her mind and had her son. He’s now a father of four beautiful children, and last year he came out to meet me face to face. He said he heard my name all his life, because had the Lord not used me that day with his mom, he wouldn’t even be here! Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!