I had my abortion because I was forced to by my mother. I tried to get help, but nobody would listen that she was going to make me kill my very wanted baby. I was 15 and I was pro-life, all my life.
My mother always threatened, if I got pregnant she would make me get an abortion. I tried to tell my school but they just said "everyone is afraid to tell their mothers when they find out they're pregnant". I said ohhhh no you don't know my mother!!
The school broke my confidentiality and told my mother.
They sent out the social workers who rang my mother and informed her that they knew about me and wanted to come out to house.
My mother told them I miscarried and we wanted space.
The next thing I knew I was in the back of a van and on my way somewhere. Nobody would tell me anything, I was scared.
I arrived at a place called Marie stopes international and they called me in for an ultrasound.
My baby was huge!!! Perfect!! I was told by my mother it was the size of the tip of a match stick and was just a clump of cells!
We traveled to England as I am from Ireland and it was illegal here.
When I got to the center they told me take off my knickers and my earrings. I got on the bed. I knew I had to speak up and I said no and went to get up.
A nurse came over and said no no no just lie down. I kept asking for the nurse I met at the door who said "You don't want to do this do you, just say no! My name is Angel she said, I fell down and cried so hard because that was my baby's name I picked out the month before. By then I was asked to come into the room.
When I was in the room, I kept asking where's Angel in a panic. No, I don't want to do this where's Angel!! They rushed around my bed and pinned me down and put a needle in my arm. The doctor stuck something up me cold and it was sore. I kept screaming no!!!! I couldn't move! The doctor said " it's too late now" and life would never be the same again.
I went home and almost died from bleeding, alone.
From then on, I promised I will never laugh, never love, never get and education I deserve NOTHING!! I hated myself!! I was so angry, my mother kicked me out 2 weeks later. I started doing heavy drugs, drinking, prison. My life stayed like this while I had severe PTSD for the next 17 years.
Then one day in bed tortured God spoke, he told me he is Allah. My soul spoke and showered me in validation and unbelievable Love, The light spoke to me and told me everything is Light and took me on a journey of repeated Miracles in front of my eyes!!!! I became aware that the sun, the trees, the water, the animals are all alive as they started speaking to me showering me in love and guidance!!! This is why I will be silent no more!! Thank you.