I felt I had no choice, being single and basically poor. I grew up in a "progressive liberal", non-religious family. Also, my older sister was always a big influence on me. She believes that if you question abortion rights, you don't believe in women's rights. Conservatives were always the enemy and everything they said was a lie. I believed that the photos on the posters held by abortion protesters were fake or taken out of context.
I went to the abortion appointment by myself and told no one about it. I spent all day at the clinic waiting for the actual procedure. When the time came and I got up on the table, I didn't want to open my legs and wanted to say that I changed my mind. The doctor told me to open my legs and almost seemed in a hurry. I felt pressured and went along with it. In the recovery room, I couldn't stop sobbing. One of the clinic nurses said, "Why are you crying?" She seemed to judge me, almost angrily.
Since that day, I have felt terrible guilt, sadness, and regret. Sometimes I lay awake at night begging that child for forgiveness and hoping there will be an afterlife where we can be reunited. I wish I knew at the time that there were better options and choices I could have made. Now it is too late for me to ever have children and I feel an overwhelming emptiness and sadness. I saw an Alpha News story where women like me talked openly about their experiences, and I related to them so much! That's why I am silent no more!