I had my abortion at Planned Parenthood. My boyfriend didn’t want a baby and he kept pressuring me to have the abortion. I wanted to have the baby and give her up for adoption. But he continued to tell me I needed to have it done. During the abortion procedure I experienced fear. I didn't want to be there. My boyfriend dropped me off in the parking lot. When I went in for my appointment there were several women there. We were then all taken into a room where they explained the procedure.
They stated they would insert seaweed to begin dilation and we would feel a little cramping. After that we were to wait in the waiting room before we went into the procedure room where they would vacuum the clump of cells. They stated that this would be mildly painful. While we were in the waiting room prior to the dilation procedure, we were individually called into a small room to speak to a counselor. The counselor asked me what religion I was. I said Catholic. She said not to worry about it. God would forgive me. That was the end of the counseling session. I was called back for the dilation procedure and returned to the waiting room. While waiting I started cramping. I had never had cramps like that before. They were painful. After some time, I was called back to the procedure room.
As they were doing the abortion procedure it was very painful. They lied about everything. Immediately after the abortion I felt sad and regretful. I just wanted to leave right away but was not allowed to. As a result of this abortion, I became promiscuous and turned to alcohol. After about a year, the relationship with that boyfriend ended. I did tell a friend I worked with about it but no one else.
I didn’t want to do much for anyone but forced myself to care for my husband, four children and home, which was minimal. I ended up seeing a counselor, but never told her about the abortion. I then had four more children and had three more miscarriages along with the depression afterwards.
I repeatedly went to confession and confessed my sin over and over again. I felt that God could not forgive me for killing my baby. I finally felt God's forgiveness after many years and after speaking to a good priest. I then became the 40 Days for Life coordinator at our parish. After my husband passed away in 2012, I told my children. I still felt regret and I found help after over 30 years through a weekend at Rachel's Vineyard.
My daughter recommended it to me, and I finally agreed to go. One of my bestfriends also had an abortion and we went together that weekend. My daughter and her husband were also attending and were part of the Rachel's Vineyard team. I felt healing that weekend. I spoke of my experience to everyone there and now I speak about my abortion to parishioners and others. I also began going out to Planned Parenthood to pray for moms and babies. Today, I am silent no more.