I am here today to honor the memory of my first child. I regret that I didn’t want him.
I was a 19-year-old Sophomore in college and had been accepted into a Junior Year Abroad in Paris for the following Fall of 1973. I found out I was pregnant in February of 1973 and the doctor in the university clinic told me that abortion had been legalized the month before by the Supreme Court. She gave me the number to call to make an appointment here in this city, Washington, DC. I made the decision to not tell my parents, as I had been raised to honor the sanctity of human life. I did not want a pregnancy or motherhood to get in the way of my education or an exciting year in France. I decided to not tell my boyfriend either because he might ask me to marry him, and we had just broken up after the night I had conceived, and we had not spoken since that weekend.
I told my 3 closest college friends. One of them said she had had an abortion in High School, it was no big deal, and that she could lend me the money. Another had a car and offered to drive us to DC.
I was going to get rid of this “problem” and they were going sightseeing. The waiting room was filled with young girls like me. None of us looked at each other. The receptionist called my name and asked me for the money in cash. No one talked to me or gave me any information. The room was cold. The doctor was business-like. The nurse was very kind and let me squeeze her arm since I was in a lot of pain, comforted me, and said it would be over soon. I heard the sound like my mother’s vacuum cleaner. When my friends arrived to pick me up, they didn’t know what to do with me because I sobbed the whole way back to school.
I had changed from the happy-go-lucky college student to wanting no longer to live. I found no one to talk to. I called the father of the baby and we got back together. My grief made him and my friends uncomfortable. They all wanted to forget it happened. So I stuffed all my grief for the next 30 years.
Now as a wife and mother of 4, I heard a spot on the radio where they were talking about women who had had an abortion and how God forgives and heals the pain. That started me on a journey to where I faced my grief and found true Repentance,
Reconciliation, and Restoration. I honor my son Joshua Caleb Mixson today. I pray it will encourage you to take the risk in seeking healing in any aspect of your life where you are in pain, shame, or fear. You too can be Silent No More!