At the young age of 19 when I found myself pregnant I was the poster child for abortion. Addicted to drugs, abusive relationship, no money in the bank or prospect for a successful future. However, I knew the truth, I had a baby growing in my womb. A life I had no right to end based on my current circumstances.
Fast forward about four years. My son is growing fast, I have left his father and immediately try to find love with another man. It doesn’t take long and I am pregnant again. This time the father is loving and supportive, we begin planning for the baby to come. Abortion was out of the question…until it wasn’t. Until fear and honestly selfishness crept in. The lies of the society seemed palpable. My body, My choice. Right?
Not only did I choose death for my child over life, but I stole Fatherhood from someone too. That child was as much his as mine and I gave him no say!
The abortion itself caused me both physical and emotional pain. I still recall the hot tears streaming down my face and the sound of the vacuum machine as my baby was taken from me. The dark recovery room that was more like a corral. Where no one in that moment was feeling ok. I lived for over a decade with PTSD from the trauma incurred that day. The few memories I held tortured me in the day and night. The loss I felt and guilt and shame left me breathless at times.
Until Jesus stepped in. John 1:5 tells us that Light shines in the darkness and that the darkness cannot overcome it. God spoke so clearly to me saying “We are going to walk through this now and then you are going to go and help others.” It didn’t happen overnight but through a lot of prayer, reflection and an amazing healing program called Save One…I now walk in freedom and forgiveness. Sharing my story and fighting for LIFE in memory and honor of my sweet daughter I lost, Ruthie Jean. For her and for the 1 in 4 women who made the crushing choice of abortion like me…I will be Silent No More.