I never said the word abortion and never ever spoke about my experiences with having 2 abortions in my life. I was raised in a Christian household and loved the Lord and active in youth group and summer camp throughout my teenage years. My viewpoints changed when I attended a very liberal women’s college in New Jersey. I was involved in the women’s lib movement in the early 70’s and graduated college in 1975. My viewpoints changed about abortion was .. It’s my body and if ever faced with this it’s my decision only. I became pregnant as a senior in college, and it was very unexpected. I was engaged to be married, and my husband was the father. We’ve now been married for 50 years.
We were shocked and our first and only consideration was abortion. This would be a quick solution, we would never tell anyone and it would be over. I scheduled the abortion at Planned Parenthood in NYC for Dec. 6, 1974, in the morning. We drove there from my apartment on campus in New Brunswick, NJ. We went inside the clinic which was very modern and clean, and I did not see my partner again until the evening. I was alone.
The intake clerk was nice African American woman who smiled and took my check for 150 dollars and showed me to a nice little sitting area with lots of magazines and leather pink or orange leather sofas. There were a few other young girls there, but we didn’t speak. We went into a big room with a slide projector, and the procedure was explained to us and then there was question and answer period, but no one asked any questions and that ended.
We went back to the couch area with magazines. I remember a cafe area with tables next to the sitting room in which women were in a window like serving area making toast and huge jars of grape jelly. I remember hearing laughter and chatter and seeing people eating toast. I was so hungry because we were told not to eat before the procedure. I could see the big metal door leading to the procedure area. The clerk came out and called patients one by one, and I never saw them again. The time ticked on, but no words were spoken by us or to us.
I wondered what happened to my partner. I went into the large pink stall bathroom and saw a woman or 2 in there also I tried to ask one about what had happened how was it? Was it bad? But she didn’t answer. She was crying, I think. I went back to my seat on the couch. Alone, no answers no questions I did not speak. Just sat there. It was getting late like 5 pm and I was the last one, everyone had been taken and had their toast and grape jelly and gone home. I knocked on the metal door to ask if I would be taken back soon or should I leave? They said no don’t leave just wait and sit down..then someone came out and said I could come back now
I followed her. I got undressed and laid on the cranberry-colored leather bed. It was a small room with a big glass jar and lots of packets of tissues and medical products. The nurse was nice and gave me pillows and said she would give me something to relax me. The doctor came in soon after and explained something I was sleepy and nauseous and asked for bucket to throw up in. They asked did you eat something, but I still threw up liquid . I laid back down and he said he was going to put the machine on to suction out my uterus. I said okay and he put it on. There was the sound of suction and I closed my eyes. I was very close to the jar. I heard the sound like suction and cramping and I could see the jar filled with blood and tissue. I’ll never forget that. He said he would put it on again to make sure it was complete. I heard the sound again.
I prayed it would end soon. It was over and I was in recovery. I remember getting a shot because of my blood type. My partner found me and we left. I had no real reaction to anything . I was glad it was over, but I just filed it away or so I thought. I went back to school to my dorm, my schedule. My partner and I never spoke of it ever again . The burial of the event had begun to never speak of the abortion, it was buried in a silent cave deep within me. I had no reason to ever share this story, why would I ever share this? It was my secret, I was silent.
I am no longer silent, and it has been such a healing journey. I learned about forgiveness of a sin that I thought was unforgivable. Jesus was there and knew my story before I ever spoke a word. I was not alone! I made the connection between my silence and behaviors in my line.. depression, eating disorders, shame, regret, emptiness. The abortion experience separated me from my ability to worship the Lord fully. I was now able to forgive myself and minister others through sharing of my story.
I am thankful for the words to now speak the truth about the abortion experience I endured for a lifetime. God has so many blessings for us to share in and he wants to prosper us not to harm us. He is rejoicing in our truth and our testimony to his grace and love.