When I was 21, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with a man I had only just met a month prior. I was shocked, ashamed and so mad at myself. I instantly thought that abortion was my only true choice. I informed the father and while he didn't agree with me, he went along with it.
On the day of my abortion, I was overcome with emotion. After passing protesters outside the clinic, I sobbed my way inside. I actually found the workers to be kind. During the abortion procedure, I felt supported and affirmed that I was doing the right thing and life would soon be normal. Before leaving, they gave me after-care instructions and were clear that their part was done. If I experienced any complications I needed to go elsewhere.
Immediately after the abortion I felt so much relief! I felt as though a weight had been lifted. 3 days later, I woke up to horrible cramping and blood clots. I knew something was wrong. I had to go to the ER and explain to multiple people that I had just had an abortion. I was humiliated. I thought I was going to be able to keep it a secret. I needed emergency surgery to remove tissue from my baby that had been left behind. It all began to sink in.
As time went on after the abortion, I became increasingly angry. I wasn't taking care of myself. I began to desperately want to get pregnant again. Regret set in.
When I gave my life to Jesus many years later, I thought I would just forget about my abortion. Logically, I knew I was forgiven, but I just couldn't receive it. The enemy was constantly whispering lies to me, telling me I wasn't worthy of God's love and that I could never share my story.
In ways that only God can, he broke through those lies and I became aware of healing from abortion wounds. I found an organization that offers free retreats for abortion wounded men and women. I went on one and encountered the Lord in mighty ways!
God made it clear to me that He was calling me to speak and minister to other abortion wounded hearts. Because of His grace and forgiveness, the enemy no longer has any hold over me! I am a daughter of the Most High King! I am finally free from guilt and shame and that is why I am silent no more!