After experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and the birth of my first child in 2003, I can
easily say that 2004 began the darkest and most destructive season of my life. There
should have been joy in new motherhood but instead there was fear, self-loathing and
shame. I was pregnant again. I told myself abortion was the best choice for this pregnancy.
In the years that followed, I aborted not 1 but 3 of my children. I told myself I was too
young, too financially unstable....all the things that Satan wants you to believe to lead you to destroy God’s most precious creation, life in the womb. I will never forget the experience of my surgical abortions.
At one point, after my first abortion, still in the clinic, I began to bleed out in the bathroom. The nurse told me if it didn’t stop to “call a doctor” and I looked at her with tears in my eyes and asked, “I thought that’s what you were?” When I asked, “what would happen to the baby you removed?” the clinic staff told me “you just shouldn’t
think about that."
The promise of relief that abortion brings swiftly gave way to guilt, shame, anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and alcohol and drug abuse. Abortion fractured every relationship I had. I simply wasn’t the same person anymore. I lived in darkness and isolation for years. I felt like the old me was dead, just like my babies.
Then one Sunday I ended up back in church. The church I grew up in, and after trying for so long to fix myself, God meet me, right there. I surrendered my life completely. That surrender led me to my local pregnancy center, Life Choices of Memphis. I was invited to join a bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. I can easily say that this study and that center changed my life.
I learned that forgiveness isn’t a feeling, it’s something that happens to you...a real
experience with Jesus Christ that leaves you marked and changed. It compels you to run to Him and tell others to run to Him.
So I invite you to know more about my Jesus, fully God and fully man. He was born into this world sinless to live the perfect life we couldn’t, He endured death on the cross, death that was meant for you and me, a death that would have kept us separated from a Holy God and out of heaven because of sin. He rose 3 days later, defeating death and is now seated at the right hand of God and will come again for those who receive Christ. So in redemption and joy, I can truly say, I am silent no more.