I only knew no one could find out I was pregnant.At age 17, just weeks after the new law, a high school friend suggested abortion as the solution to my pregnancy. I knew nothing about the procedure, the risks or the life inside me. I only knew no one could find out I was pregnant. My boyfriend paid for it and a friend drove me to a clinic. Great care was taken to hide all this from my parents. The whole thing happened again at age 27.
In both cases, the experience was very cold. Clinic staff were cool and said all the right things to convince you that you were doing the right thing. The 2nd one in particular was uncomfortable and left me physically and mentally "out of it". Though I had a friend with me each time, they were terrible lonely experiences, shrouded with secrecy.
Immediately after the 2nd one, I cried uncontrollably for some time and my normal activities were interrupted with bed rest. Within a year of each one I became depressed seriously enough to require hospitalization the first time and medication and counseling the second time. The hospitalization followed a human development course where I learned what my aborted baby looked like.
After years of guilt, shame, secrecy, emotional instability, I learned of the loving forgiveness offered to me through Jesus Christ. At 33 I am finally able to think about these events without tears and emotional pain.
Though I am confident I am forgiven for these abortions, I continue to be deeply saddened about the loss of my precious children. I value life so much I have difficulty expressing it but I am certainly motivated to see that others are not deceived as I was into thinking I was removing unwanted tissue from my body. I want others to know there are other options, less selfish options, and that life begins at conception.