I have a long road ahead of me

I was married and having an affair with another married man. I became pregnant. I had the abortion to cover up the affair.

It was very painful. The counselor there told me that I would feel some discomfort, but it hurt a lot worse than that. [Afterward I was] admitted to the hospital. I was there three days. I had my abortion on Monday, on Thursday I started having painful contractions. They were about 15 minutes apart in the morning. They got more frequent and more intense as the day went on. They told me that on the fourth or fifth day I would probably experience some painful contractions and heavy bleeding. I thought it would eventually get better, but it didnt. Around 2:30 a.m., I was still having contractions. They were only two minutes apart and very painful. I also completely soaked a pad in less than 30 minutes. I called the 24-hr. hotline at the abortion clinic. The doctor told me that this was all normal. He told me to put ice on my abdomen, elevate my feet and take an Anaprox for the pain. I tried it for 30 minutes, but it didnt help. The pain got worse and I was still bleeding heavily. I got a friend to take me to the hospital. I still dont know what was wrong with me, but my doctor did tell me that my blood count was dangerously low. I went back to the abortion clinic four days later for a follow-up exam. I didnt see the doctor. A nurse checked me. She laughed when I told her I was admitted to the hospital and gave drugs for the pain. She said what happened to me was normal. She also said I was fine. That was over a year ago. I still have pain and bleed after I have sex or do sit-ups.

I have become distant from my two children, I have very little patience with them. My husband thinks Im crazy.

I am in counseling at a crisis pregnancy center. It is helping a little but I have a long road ahead of me. 

It has left me with a constant ache in my heart. I feel so alone and empty inside. Sometimes I am cold towards other people. I am also unforgiving of others.