When I was 19, I was working full time and dating a guy who was in college.  The protection we were using failed, and I got pregnant.  Having grown up in a strong Christian home, I was ashamed that I had gotten pregnant.  This combined with the fact that my boyfriend and I decided that a baby didn’t fit into our lives led me to choose abortion. 

My experience at the clinic was really sad.  I remember more about them describing what was going to happen during the procedure than them sharing with me other options or what the after-effects would be to me physically and emotionally. 

Afterward I felt empty and ashamed.  I was depressed for days but I quickly stuffed my emotions and moved on since my parents had no knowledge of what I had done.  My boyfriend and I broke up not long after that.

A year or so later, I was dating a guy I’d met at work.  I got pregnant again.  My boyfriend who was abusive wanted me to have an abortion.  Because of my state of mind at the time, I caved under the pressure and ended up back in the abortion clinic. 

I remember going into the same clinic and wondering if they would remember me and pass judgment.  I couldn’t even look them in the eyes.  I don’t remember much of that appointment.  I just remember leaving again and feeling that same emptiness I’d felt the first time but piggy-backed with twice as much guilt.  I bled so much that afternoon and later.  I learned later that they had miscalculated how far along I was.  I’m lucky that I didn’t hemorrhage. 

I quickly ended my relationship with that boyfriend after the abortion, and I was pretty close to hitting rock bottom.  My parents found out that my boyfriend had been abusive to me, but they had no idea about either abortion.  I remember my mom telling me I needed some counseling and giving me a number to call to get free Christian counsel.  I finally went and my healing began. 

I attended counseling for at least a year, and in that time God healed me.  I recognized my sin and repented of it.  In return, God poured out His grace and mercy to me.  He gave me Romans 8:1 which says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not  after the flesh,  but after  the Spirit.”  From that day on I no longer felt the guilt and shame I had been carrying around. 

Today, I am married with three beautiful daughters, more evidence of God’s grace and mercy. 

I’m still sad about the decisions I made back then, but I’m so thankful that I can share how God’s Glory came from the ashes in my life.  God is So Good!