I grew up in a home where we went to church, then came home and did our own thing.  My parents' were very warm and loving. My father always worked to support his family. My mom worked until I was born, then she took time off for a few years before going back. She was and is the one that wears the pants in the family. My father has always been the quiet, reserved type, where my mom is the strong, English, go getter. As a whole, I had very loving parents, but there are some areas that I wish they had shared more information.

When I was in my 20's I began looking for love in all the wrong places, as the song goes. Some of my boyfriends were really nice, but others were jerks who didn't know how to treat women. When I was 25 or so, I met Mike. In fact, I was introduced to him by a guy whose wife I worked with. I was told that he was really nice, cute, looking for a girlfriend, etc.  I was excited and agreed to meet him. The day we met I thought he was "cool" looking, so we went out to lunch. For the next six months or so we went out, but I always went over to his house; he never picked me up, never met my parents. This seemed strange, but I was "blinded by love."

One day Mike introduced me to his friend Steve and we all went out together.  Soon afterward everything turned around. Steve began telling me that Mike was going to dump me. So, I started hanging out with Steve. Steve was a very controlling, manipulative man.  He locked me in his house, held me at gunpoint, made me do drugs, and then he raped me.
The day that I found out I was pregnant, I was scared. I knew that he didn't care at all for me, and I knew that I had to do something because my parents didn't know what was happening. I decided to have an abortion and to tell my mom what was going on.

After going through the abortion I felt completely numb. I knew only that my baby had been sucked out of me. From that point on, nothing was mentioned. My mom said I couldn't talk about it, and I was not to tell my father. For 14 years it was deep inside of me. Every time I heard the word "abortion" I cringed knowing what I had done. I never talked about it, and every time I saw my father, I hesitated.

It wasn't until I found Rachel's Vineyard that God opened up the biggest door I've ever seen! After that weekend I was able to share my experience with my father. As I told him, the heaviness of my heart lifted, and I was able to share with him about the grandson he never knew of....CHRISTIAN JAMES!

I hope that my experience will help other women to talk about their journeys.